It's alive!
This is not a joke. Well, it's not a prank. It's mere and genuine coincidence that this series launches on the week of April 1st, and you should resist the understandable temptation to draw inference from the timing. Admittedly, in some sense it's appropriate that this blog-esque leviathan's head emerges on one of the unofficial, semi-perverted holidays: April Fool's Day - the day devoted to trickery, mischief, and taking advantage of the gullible and the naive while they're not paying attention. It's abhorrent. It's fantastic. But mostly it's unofficial and semi-perverted. So, appropriate. So appropriate.
And, word has it, Rhino Bar is celebrating April 1st with half-priced Happy Hour, this Friday from 5-9pm! (Then $3 domestic bottles all night long until close.) Be there for the celebration, knock a few back, and tell everyone who you fooled and how.
Here are a few nice pranks from recent history to inspire you:
-A few years ago, a country music station in North Carolina announced on the air that they were changing their programming from country to metal. The station was flooded with calls, about half of which were requests for metal songs.
-In 2003, a South Korean website claimed that Microsoft founder Bill Gates had been assassinated. The unconfirmed news spread rapidly and ultimately resulted in a 1.5% decline in the total value of the South Korean stock market.
-In the late 90s, Burger King released ads for their newly developed "Left-Handed Whopper," (Pun intended?) which was uniquely designed to only spill condiments from the right side of the bun. Not only did customers order this new creation, some also specifically ordered the original, "Right-Handed Whopper." Just like that.
Great prank ideas. But the public response is a little shocking, no? Way to take the fun out of a joke, dummies, by reminding the rest of us how many mindless reactionaries are out there on cruise control.
The country/metal prank is the least of it; though some intern had a glorious day on the phones, something tells me.
The South Korean/Bill Gates thing is much more unsettling because, you'd think, the people who own and trade stock and help set the prices have at least some reasonable level of education, and consequently, they should have known better. But they didn't.
And then there's the Whopper thing. And oh my, suddenly democracy seems to rest on a foundation of sand. Their vote counts as much as yours does, I'll remind you.
So here's my proposal, what we should do this April 1st: re-air that Burger King commercial with the Left-Handed Whopper. Then, if you show up and order any type of Whopper that's not ambidextrous and round, the scrawny seventeen-year-old walking zit behind the counter takes your voter registration card away from you, tears it up, and throws it in the deep fryer. A healthier democracy in one day, my friends.
Or, I suppose, you could just play Poo Dollar and call it a day.
Just remember to beware of not only the tricksters but also the tricked this Friday, April 1st. They're both surprisingly dangerous.
Best of luck to you all. And whether you're feeling clever, embarrassed, stressed or giddy come quittin' time, you know where to show for an icy cold solution. (Pun intended?) Half-priced left-handed beers for everyone at the Rhino Bar and Pumphouse!
See you there! Love,
Finnegan
