It’s October, people! The craziest month of the year at Rhino
Bar. We’ve got so much to look forward
to: unadulterated weekends, football, Halloween, and so much more! But I’m getting a bit ahead of myself. Let’s not forget that every October begins
with a fairly young annual event: Bullying Awareness Day. (Cue the sound of the disappointed trombone: wah-wah.)
Did you hear that story in the news about the overweight
Wisconsin news anchor who was “bullied” by a viewer about her weight? The viewer said he didn’t want an overweight
person as a TV role model. Her response,
which went viral, basically said that she was offended by the viewer’s cruel
bullying. She then reached out to other
viewers who had been bullied because of their race, sexual preference, or other
disability. Really?
First of all, there’s nothing inherently wrong with being a big fat fatty. Let’s not forget there have been some
supremely husky, and loved, icons in our recent cultural history. Some of them even advertise it. Some even put it in their name:
Then you’ve got the fat, happy Buddha. Jesus had a six pack, but Buddha smiled.
For me, the bigger issue from the anchor woman
story was that the term “bullying” has become twisted in our PC culture. The viewer wasn’t just being mean, he was
making a criticism. Perhaps he was a jackass,
fine. But a bully, he was not. He wasn’t saying, “Neener neener neener,
fatty fatty fat fat.” He was expressing
a social opinion about a choice that she had made.
You don't have to agree with the guy. But the bottom line is that being overweight is a choice, to some extent
or another. Yeah, there are those people
who never gain a pound, and those who fight their weight their whole lives. But it’s not the same as the color of your skin,
the size of your boobies or willy, or whatever other condition your genes drop
on your head. Some things you can
change. Some things you can’t. And besides, some folks like big folks, chase
the chubbies and all that.
All of this is of concern only because, as a
society, we seem to have reached a place where criticism is nearly tantamount
to bullying. People don’t like to be
criticized – it makes them uncomfortable, and can feel a lot like
bullying. But let’s remember that
criticism – and responding to it – is an important part of understanding
reality and growth.
I’m saying, shit, maybe they shouldn’t have the
Presidential debates this month because they are just going to bully each
other. Maybe 2+2 should = 5 sometimes,
you know, to prevent bullying.
Jeezy Louizey.
Two shots of Jameson plus two shots of Jack = four shots of whiskey
(though you only pay for two at Half-Price Happy Hour!). And Obama and Romney should duke it out. I’d rather see them fist fight on stage than
this:
Speaking of kissing, however, what is to be done
about bully-flirting? What is
bully-flirting, you say? Oh, you
know. Remember in elementary school when
little boys pull the hair of little girls they like? And then we grow up and it becomes that weird
thing where girls respond to being semi-ignored or teased. You probably know what I’m talking about, but
just in case, guys, try this:
If you really want a girl to like you and she
texts you, “how are you?” you respond:
“Great babe how arp you”
Exactly like that.
Misspell “are” and no punctuation at all. Like you don’t give a fuck. Didn’t even bother to check the text. I’m not entirely certain, but I’m pretty sure
that is dead genius. The lesson is: it’s
not bullying if it creates sexual intrigue.
Ladies, that one is on you. Own
it. And guys, seriously try it and get
back to me on the results. My
prediction: dead genius.
Speaking of dead, today is the one year
anniversary of Apple King Steve Jobs’ death.
Marvelous.
We’ll celebrate all this, as usual, with
half-price food and drinks at the white marble from 5-9pm. We will test the line between
teasing and flirting, and see if there is any difference after sobriety has
been bullied into submission.
See you there!
Cheers!
