This Week for Happy Hour: Cinco de Drinko!

Let me open with a half-hearted apology of sorts: I’m not sure how or when this drink-face fun-time party “blog” started turning into a 19^th century military history trivia page, but what am I gonna do – not celebrate Cinco de Mayo?!  C’mon.  Can’t change the past unless you own the presses.

Ok, real quick: May 5, 1862, Battle of Puebla: Mexican army defeats French forces in an unlikely but major move toward being occupied by only the Spanish.  Big win!

But Cinco de Mayo is important for two less obvious reasons (if that’s possible).  First, it proves my long-standing hunch that big and bushy always beats thin and weasely in a Central American mustache-off.  Seriously, more often than rock beats scissors or Bobby beats Whitney or Chris beats Rihanna or whatever.  Big and bushy, baby.  That Pancho Villa had one hell of a pair of Mexican lip curtains.

My rods and cones are permanently damaged from the unnatural brightness of this horse.

The second reason this holiday is so important is that Americans have, once again, wildly succeeded in turning an inane historical event into a major drink-til-you-speak-in-all-vowels tequila fest.  And I have no problem with that.  At all.

Cheap drinks tonight at the Pumphouse - $2 Coronas and blah blah tequila party and Johnny Walker Blue is on sale for $15 per shot – and fond we are of all of them – for those of you with debilitating agave allergies and affinities for top hats and latent longings for low-intensity class warfare.  But seriously, its’ only $15 per shot.  Johnny Walker blue, I’m saying.  Which is half what you’ll pay anywhere else.  And it always goes down smooth, down into the belly.  Yum yum, so smooth… 

Question: what’s the word for a non-sexual scotch-inspired boner?  Anybody?  What would you call that?  Would it be, a scroner?  Yeah, that’s it.  I’m getting such a huge, raging scroner right now just thinking about it.  For Johnny Walker Blue, which is $15 per shot, if I didn’t mention that already.  Everyday, not just today, mind you.  Oh, and the scroners come free of charge.  Unless you’re a lady, in which case it costs extra.  Sorry, it’s just science.

Whoa, way off topic with the scroners and whatnot.  Back to it: guys, listen up: tequila party and Mexican techno and M St. Latinas and big, beautiful power mustaches – all tonight at the Rhino.

Ladies, I know what you’re thinking, oh, yeah, sure, we’ll just stop fighting the phallacracy for a few hours and come have a good time tonight, huh?  What with the delicious ethnic drinks and music with a great beat but too much referee’s whistle, and all the guys milling around with either top hats or sombreros sporting extremely prominent pants-tenting scroners?  Exactly.  Everybody’s gotta have a good time.  Especially on a special day like today.  Especially you.

See you upstairs tonight for Cinco de Drinko!  Cheers!
-Finn

P.S.  Best ever list of history’s greatest mustaches.  Lick your lips and enjoy:


http://nationallampoon.com/articles/the-90-greatest-mustaches-of-all-time