This Week for Happy Hour: A Tilly in the Gina Is Worth Two in the Hand

Sorry for the late post this week.  I’ve been busy as a one-armed coat hanger the past few days, but at last I’m happy to report this week’s Happy Hour celebration.

As you may know, June is Gay Pride Month, though that’s not exactly what we’re celebrating.  Not exactly.  What we’re celebrating is Gina Gershon’s 49th birthday, which is today, June 10^th.  Everyone together now: Happy Birthday, Gina.  Wait, you remember her, right?  The big-screen babe from such high-brow classics as Cocktail, Face/Off, and Showgirls. Oh yeah, she's 49.  But she's a cougar if there ever was one.  She's the kind of woman who can make you want to grow a mustache, regardless of your gender.

“But what the hell’s that got to do with Gay Pride Month?” you ask.

Well I’ll tell you.  I’ve always kind of thought that having pride about something you’re born with is a little weird.  I mean, what the hell did you do (and I’m speaking in generalities here) that you’ve got to be so proud about?  You can’t help certain things, like where you’re born or what your race is, who your parents are, or what’s in your genes, so what’s there to gloat about?

Some things, however, you can help.  Like what’s in your jeans.  You know what I mean.  Or what you post on your twitter account.  Or, like, maybe you’ve made a concerted effort to improve your alcohol tolerance, and it’s paid dividends.  Well kudos to you, Varsity Drinker.

Now, of course I understand that certain groups have had a history of mistreatment and discrimination, and in many cases that mistreatment and discrimination continues to some or another extent, depending on group, place, etc.  So I understand the celebration of a characteristic is often just the acknowledgment and legitimization of it, because characteristics can represent something much more complex and meaningful than obvious superficialities.  And all that.

All I’m saying is, I’m not sure pride is the answer.  I’m not sure it ever is, for any reason.  In my experience, proud people tend to act like shitheads. 

But if you want to be proud of something, my gay friends, then be proud that you as an individual have worked and continue to work for human rights and for the acceptance of people – gay, straight, bi, black, white, brown, or whatever – as inherently valuable in and of themselves.  But don’t just be proud to be gay, because you didn’t do that.  It’s not an accomplishment any more than is anyone’s race or eye color or freckle density, or even someone’s opinion of the snack treat Bugles, which I happen to think are delicious.  There, I said it.

But then again… (and here’s where we tie back to Gina).   Have you ever seen the movie Bound? 

It’s a super sexy movie in which Jennifer Tilly is married to an abusive gangster husband, and then Gina Gershon moves in next door and starts making eyes with Tilly and pretty soon they’re having steamy, graphic, lesbo sex while Tilly’s husband is out doing stuff, and then they eventually hatch a plan to kill him and take off with a bunch of dirty mob cash.  Great flick.  (That’s what she said – zing!)

Anyway, I won’t spoil the ending for you.  [Insert happy ending pun here.]  But the ending’s not really relevant to what I’m saying, which is, “Thank you, Gina Gershon, for having the courage to make the choice to be gay in that awesome movie, and for showing Jennifer Tilly who’s boss between the sheets, and for the gratuitous nudity.  And for the gratuitous nudity.  And Happy Birthday, you crazy cougar.  And half-price drinks tonight at Rhino, 5-9pm for the birthday party, and then stick around for the NHL playoffs upstairs. Go Bruins.”

Gina may not understand that last part, but I hope she does.  And Jennifer Tilly too.  Hopefully they make it to the nation’s capital this June to make their voices heard, and also stop in at Rhino Bar along the way.

If not, I guess there’s always whiskey and beer.  Screw you, Andrew Volstead.  I’ll see you in hell.

Cheers,

Finnegan

She's smokin'.