This Week for Happy Hour: Superb Owl Weekend

With the Super Bowl at our doorstep, I encourage you to accept in advance that the siren spawn of our economy – crappy advertisements – will exert their dominance over us and that we will all helplessly smile in submission as we are swept downstream, that we will all be power chugging whatever those clever marketing shorts tell us to by this Sunday as we watch that gristly old whistle pig, Madonna, preside over the perversion of entertainment that has become the Super Bowl halftime show.  We can only hope that, by then, our vision has blurred out the hi-def.

But my question is this: why not at least retain some semblance of hope for existentialist human individuality and freedom by choosing to pay only half-price for your inevitable ad-borne cross-bar acquisitions?  The choice is yours, over pay or don’t.  Go to some stuffy, cookie-cutter, corporate “bar” product inside an edifice which is itself an insult to your intelligence (I’m looking at you, ESPN Zone) – and, there, overpay for your swill – or, come to your friendly neighborhood Rhino Bar, the Spiderman of sports bar-like options, and pay only half-price on Friday for Happy Hour, 5-9pm.  Get yourself warm and ready for SB XLVI, son.  You gotta prepare for the big game, after all.  Can’t just show up on Sunday evening and expect to excel.  Nah, you have to start training now.  Saddle up.

Need a little more inspiration?  Ok, let’s stoke the rivalry a little bit. 

Pats fan?  You guys are supposed to win.  But sometimes a little underdog-type fire in the belly is a good thing.  Hmm.  How about this senior yearbook picture of Bill Belichick? 

He looks like the lovechild of Shrek, David Letterman, and an industrial grade push broom.  This guy…this guy needs a win.  Every day.  This guy is like the supermodel who was a mess in high school, so she stays at the top of her game through sheer drive and determination.  And sometimes hidden cameras.  Go pats.

Giants fan?  Y’all are already the underdogs, even though the last two times these teams met the G-men went home with the W.  But don’t get cocky now.  Have you heard that Peyton has been giving secrets to Tom Brady about Eli in an attempt to remain the Alpha brother a bit longer?  Check out this leaked voicemail from Peyton to Tom:

Bottom line is this: big game this weekend.  It’s gonna be tons of fun with delicious drinks, enticing sports drama, perhaps a chest bump or two, and so on and so forth.  Make happy hour the beginning on Friday until 9 (did I mention the half-price thing?).  Then, party upstairs on Friday night until you are blind and numb.  Re-enter Earth’s atmosphere on Saturday afternoon with movies and revelry and sweet, sweet tunes all day.  And finally make Rhino your spot for the Super Bowl.  There’s no bad seat in the house, unlike in Indianapolis.

Following the game, there will be a marvelous after-party, honoring the victor with praise but not class.  On Monday morning, plan to wake up for just long enough to call in sick, then pull the covers up over your head and smile, because you, my friend, have just experienced what it truly means to live.  If only Kierkegaard could see us now.

See you there!

Cheers!